Relationships

Who would have thought it would take going away to college for me to ever strongly consider how I approach relationships in my life? Maybe it was the extensive amount of traveling I did this last week that has me thinking. But regardless, I’ve been doing plenty of it. And I LIKE it!

I knew that going to college across the country would prove interesting to the relationships I had with people back home. My friendships could no longer be based on face-to-face interaction because, well, besides a Skype conversation or two it wasn’t as easy to see people as before. I’ve done a pretty decent job with my closest friends, but going home really showed me how much relationships suffer when effort isn’t made to sustain them. Seeing friends I barely kept in contact with was awkward and I found myself noticing how little I knew about their lives anymore. I can’t blame the lack of contact solely on them; I know how to dial a phone or send a quick text. It all boils down to laziness on my part, thinking that friendships will be the same after three months of little to no conversation. At first I was angry to see how much things had changed; I didn’t understand how things fell apart and we were distanced so quickly.

And as I thought about this, I saw how this translates into all of the relationships in my life. I’ve never really been an openly emotional or affectionate person, and how my relationships play out can be evidence to that. I tend to keep people at a distance and keep the deep stuff to myself. I’m finding out that allowing my relationships with people to stay this way is only hurting me and blocking me from truly experiencing deep relationships.

Maybe I avoid these relationships because they’re difficult. Because they scare me. They require vulnerability of me, which is something I’ve never embraced. But by avoiding them, I’m hindering myself from growing and connecting with people.

Just like I witnessed with the people I saw over break, relationships are tough. They are never easy, and they require work and an unbelievable amount of patience. Ultimately, they demand love. And a lot of it.

I see how difficult it is to maintain these good relationships now. Maybe I’ve avoided them because I don’t want to work at them. But if I never put the effort into them, I’ll never really be able to have people in my life I can be myself with. Relationships are messy. They have all the potential in the world to bless or to curse. While they are costly, they are priceless in the end.

All this to say, I am really going to try and be more intentional about the relationships I have with people, at college and at home. Instead of getting caught up in laziness, excuses or busyness, I am working on fostering my relationships with people. If I ever want to see my relationships thrive, I have to work on them; they won’t magically turn great without effort on both parts. I have to want it.

And I do.